After picking up one of my favorite take-out meals one night (shout out to Boston Market-Woot!) I pulled up to a stop light and WHOOPS. I was surprised to see a woman close to the bumper of my car, crossing the street. I had not seen her as I stopped very close to where she was walking. She turned her head, earphones in her ears, and gave me a “look” if you know what I mean. I gave her the “I’m sorry” motion, wondering how I missed her. I was a little disappointed at my lack of attention to a pedestrian, I’m normally very aware of my surroundings. It was dusk and she WAS wearing dark colored clothes. (Who walks in the evening with dark clothes on, btw, right?) Oh well, I thought, SHE should wear a reflective vest or something.

I drove on just a few hundred yards ahead where I was turning from the median into the left lane of oncoming one way traffic. As I straightened my vehicle into the lane, a car came whizzing up behind me with flashing headlights. Grrrr. Why can’t people just let a girl merge in. I didn’t cut you off you’re just in too big of a hurry, I thought, as I got out of the left lane.

A few minutes later I made my way into traffic on Interstate 94. The traffic seemed to be a normal volume, not too heavy, after all, it was evening and the heavy rush hour was winding down. So I accelerated up to speed and merged over into the far left lane.

OMG. Again? Really?

Another car zooming up behind me flashing its headlights. What is UP with all these rude people tonight? I felt exasperated with all these impatient, rude drivers.

Then I looked down at the radio. It was not lit up.

Oh my. My mind started racing.

I took my car in for service two days ago.

Looking down at head light switch.

Not on “Auto”.

Crap.

My headlights are off.

*BAM* Suddenly huge realizations about the past 10 minutes are flooding into my mind.

THAT explains why I didn’t see the pedestrian.

And why the people were flashing headlights at me.

Holy cow.

I TOTALLY misinterpreted the messages that people were trying to give me. Here I was offended and hearing, “get out of my way” instead of “turn your lights on darlin!”

These people were trying to help me…..being nice to me….caring that I was driving around with my headlights off.

All I could think about for the rest of the trip home was how my mind allowed me to totally mis-read what people were communicating. Which then lead me to wonder how many other messages I have misinterpreted in my life.

Am I living in a state of defensiveness?

Am I not receptive to others’ attempts to protect me, care for me, and help keep me safe on my journey?

Why did I assume there was a negative intention when people flashed their lights at me? This reaction kept me from awareness of a potentially dangerous situation.

It’s like I’ve got a thought-filter that is coloring my experiences, just like a photographer adds a filter over the lens to alter the image in some way. My thoughts about the sender’s intention totally altered my ability to see clearly. In photography, there are filters that serve many purposes. Filters can polarize (divide into sharply opposing factions), reduce glare (difficulty seeing in bright light), improve saturation, extend exposure, control strong light, improve clarity and change light balance. Interestingly, my thoughts can also either enhance or distort an experience.

I read a magazine article several years ago, I can’t even remember what magazine it was. The author was saying how much easier it is to live life believing that everyone is trying their best. Not just me, but everyone. And yes, it may not look like it sometimes from my perspective, but it may be all the other person is capable of. It’s just a lot more peaceful to live with that kind of belief than to be judging and criticizing others.

I wish I could re-read that article. I think I’ve forgotten to put it into practice! But this experience made me keenly aware that the color of the lens or filter I see through can make a gi-normous difference in the way I interpret flashing headlights. I’m determined now to believe the best in others and live from a space of gratitude, knowing that when I’m operating out of love, love comes back to me. Isn’t that true enlightenment – to live without judgment?

Let me know if YOU have thought-filter secrets! I’d love to hear them.

It’s been daring me to figure it out…

understand what it’s message is.

The picture here depicts the tree as it has looked for years. Even though all the trees surrounding it change with the seasons, this tree remains unchanged. The leaves have been holding on and brown for years. They do not fall to the ground in autumn or turn green in spring. They are the same light, crunchy brown every single day.

As Martha Beck describes in her new book, “Finding Your Way in a Wild New World”, Wayfinders often use metaphors to solve the puzzles of life. Metaphors are a fun way to ask,

“how is this like that?”

This is a way to activate the right hemisphere of your brain which is less devoted to analyzing and more focused on discovering how one thing may be like something else. Martha writes, “Some of the neurons in your right hemisphere are longer than those in the left, and they physically wander around inside your head, as if feeling for each other. When two previously unconnected neurons meet, you may understand something in a way you’ve never understood it before. That’s the moment you may exclaim, ‘Aha! This is like that!’”

In the stories we call parables, Jesus used this method of teaching. The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed – though it is the smallest of seeds, when it grows it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree so that the birds come and perch in its branches. The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, or a merchant looking for fine pearls, or a net that was let down into the lake and caught all kinds of fish. Each story has a spiritual application (all found in Matthew chapter 13).

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that tree. It’s been staring at me through my window every single day for the last eight years. What lesson is it there to teach me? One day a few weeks ago I was out walking with my dogs. The winter here in Michigan has been very mild, there hasn’t been nearly as much snow as usual (and not many people are disappointed about that!) Walking outside on this February day was very pleasant. I was holding the thought of that tree in my mind as I wandered around the cart path through the golf course behind my house. I started walking and clearing thoughts from my mind, knowing that the message would come when it was good and ready.

Normally during my walks I am keenly aware of the sounds I hear (I honed this skill during a trip to a game reserve in Africa). There is a particular section of the path that winds around a pond with a cluster of tall pine trees along the edge. Those trees have a beautiful way of speaking. Their language is soft and mezmerizing. Their message penetrates directly to my soul. But today those tall pines were silent. Not a rustle. Not a sound. Just still silence. So I walked on and stayed in wordlessness focusing on my breathing….and wrangling my little Shih Tzus as they reacquainted themselves with the familiar path.

I knew that as I neared the end of my walk, I would walk right by the tree. Some of the thoughts I was having was about how the tree stands unchanged, unaffected. Unchanged. This reminded me of an old church hymn..”Hold to His Hand, to God’s unchanging hand.” Is unchanging a good thing? A God quality? Hmm.

How is “unchanging” a good quality when, really, what I haven’t wanted to actually acknowledge is that the tree is DEAD!!! And I know DEAD isn’t a good thing.

That dead tree is not in touch with what’s around it. Can that be a good thing?

That dead tree is not affected by the seasons. Can that be a good thing?

That dead tree literally never changes. It has looked the very same for years.

At that moment, as I was struggling with the “dead” thoughts,

I came near to it.

On this quiet day with none of the usual sounds around me, that dead tree’s leaves were rustling against one another. The brown leaves were moving and making a sound I’d never before. I froze for a few moments…listening intently…ever so quietly. And there it was. The message that penetrated deep.

Even in death, this tree spoke a message.

Immediately I thought about one of my favorite words “Legacy”.

Even in death, we speak.

Our lives have a message…even when they’re over.

I realized why that word “unchanging” stuck in my head. It’s because we can only CHANGE the message of our life while we are alive. Once our life is over, the message is signed, sealed and delivered.

Our legacy is solidified.

What we were, we will always be.

Our message will be unchanging.

How important then, is it to decide now what I want to be remembered for. What word will linger in my children’s minds when their thoughts land on a memory that includes me.

Will it be passionate?

Will it be love?

Generous?

Accepting?

I know what I WANT that word to be. So what am I doing about that now?

Now, while I can change, adjust, react and choose.

At work we chose a theme for every year. This year we chose Today Matters. It’s one of John Maxwell’s books where he encourages us to make decisions early in life and then live them out every day. So deciding at age 17 that he would have a good attitude, he just lives that out every day. Or deciding that his health was important, he chooses to exercise certain days of every week.

Realizing that decisions we make today matters to our health, our fitness, our spiritual life, our addictions, our goals, today we can stay on the path we’ve chosen or not. We can fall off the wagon, or stay on. Today matters.

Similarly, today matters as we live out our legacy. Today, tomorrow, next week, next month. What message is my life whispering? What am I adding to the message as I live out today? Does my life have a melody that plays today and will play on after I’m gone? Am I making choices consciously to live out the message I want?

Think about it!

Your life is speaking now.

And it will speak later.

You get to chose today. Don’t miss the opportunity to say what you really want to say.

 new song called “Baggage Claim”

I couldn’t help but think of all the

 baggage I’ve carried around

                     with me for too many years.

I love the first line in the song when she talks about “dragging around your sensitive ego.” And “You got a lot of luggage in your name” rings true for me – even though she is singing about carrying around someone else’s baggage!! The main point being that she is tired of carrying it around-dropping it off and not claiming it anymore.

I have had the experience many times. The airplane lands and the luggage is supposed to be waiting on the belt in baggage claim when I get there. We all stand around watching for our special bag with the colored ribbon or special luggage tag…will it be there….I think I see it….no….will it come? What happens when the bags do not arrive…egos are exposed, tempers fly, emotions erupt. Those bags should be here! I need my stuff!! And I’m certain that many of us (including me) have actually survived a day or two without our baggage when it did not arrive on time. We actually left the airport without it-all the precious items we (supposedly) can’t live without. We probably felt strangely unequipped for a time, but we replaced the necessities and creatively substituted with new supplies.

So what hapens if,

as Miranda suggests,

we check our bags for good?

Leave them right there on the belt – unclaimed.

It’s the question that Byron Katie asks, “Who would you be without your story?”

Who WOULD you be without all that baggage?

For some of us that question is nearly impossible to even consider. After all, my baggage is my identity, my solid rock. It’s got all my stuff in it. My hurts, my history, my childhood disappointments, my failures, the reasons I can feel sorry for myself, my underpinning for goodness sake!! That is the stuff that lies beneath the surface and creates the illusion of who I am, right??

I can remember very clearly the moment that I realized I was ready to check my bags for good. I was listening to a coaching teleconference hosted by Martha Beck Master Coaches Terry DeMeo and Jeanette Maw on “How to Attract an Extraordinary Relationship.” Jeanette apparently struggles with technology and was having some minor difficulty with the recording. She casually commented that she was not surprised at her struggle because she typically had challenges in the technology department. As she said it, she caught herself saying, “Oh, I promised I’d stop telling that story.” It was not meant to be anything other than a passing comment, but it stood out for me to the extent that I have no idea what was said for the next few minutes. I felt like a light had been turned on suddenly in a dark room. It was shocking at first….I struggled to understand. I could stop TELLING my story?? Really? It’s that simple? I mean I have a choice??

In my notes for that class I wrote, “What story do I commit to stop telling?”

And later I decided, “ALL OF IT!”

I had a big beautiful set of matching bags.

My story was long and sad and I could recite it from memory, never missing a detail. I recited it anytime I felt the need for a free pass. It  gave me an excuse to be all the things I did not want to be. But this day, it didn’t serve me anymore. I didn’t want to excuse myself, I wanted to allow myself to move beyond my story. I wanted to drop the baggage and leave it all behind.

And so I did.

I was amazed how easily the handles slipped off my fingers. And how I never, not for a second, felt sad about dropping my baggage and walking away. I was not tempted to turn around and take one last peek or sneak one little story out just for a souvenir, nope, not at all. Instead I felt relieved. Light and free. Ready to move out into the world of possibilities, unencumbered by the weight of my bags. Focusng my eyes ahead instead of behind. Learning the lessons and accepting my journey as a part of who I am meant to be.

I was coaching a friend of mine one day, telling her how I left my own set of bags behind. She was surprised that it was possible to make such a life-altering decision on the spot and just walk away. She said,

“I thought you had to unpack them,

take each thing out and look at it.”

(I laughed and told her that was called counseling!)

Nope, I’ve seen each item in those bags in detail over and over. I’ve looked at them enough times. I left the bags there, stuffed full and intact.

Ever since that day about a year and a half ago, I have had opportunities to recite that story, but have not felt the need to. On many occasions I could have fallen into the old rut of whining about why my past has affected me so. But I don’t need to make excuses for who I am or am not. Take me or leave me, this is it. At this point my life is what I choose regardless of my past. I am taking full responsibility for what and who I am. No excuses.

Marianne Williams describes a miracle as a shift in perception. This was definitely a miracle for me. One that brought beautiful freedom and self-acceptance.

As Miranda says, “I’m packing it in.”

How ‘bout you? Ready to check those bags for good?

If you want to have some fun with it, check out this site: emotionalbagcheck.com

 “The knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit.”

—  Jack Kornfield

I always thought I would have so much more to say.

Especially since returning from Africa in June. I thought I’d be writing every day. But I haven’t. So here goes….after a couple of months to digest the experience, I am sharing a couple of my favorite moments.

This was definitely

the trip of a lifetime.

I went on Martha Beck’s African STAR (Self-Transformation Adventure Retreat) to a game reserve in South Africa. It was a trip with a dual purpose – to experience Africa, which I’ve heard so much about, and to spend time with the extraordinary Martha and her Master Coaches, Koelle Simpson, Boyd Varty and the fantabulous, Bridgette Boudreau.

What could be better, the African Bush experience AND having the opportunity to be coached by (and spend time with) the best life coaches on the planet????

I mean, not that I, the girl who has been involved in the coaching process for eight years, would have anything else to fix, right???????

Ah, right.

So I set my intention and packed my bags to head out for the African winter.

The minute that the wheels of our little 18-seater dual engine prop plane hit the grassy runway at Londolozi,

the magic began.

I had an immediate sense that I was “home,” someplace I’d been before, someplace familiar. I felt comfort and peace, the warm feeling that I get when I’m settled into my special safe haven. HOME.

The first two game drives were in silence. Partly to shake off the craziness of the past days of settling last minute details at home before leaving for vacation, sitting on an airplane for 16 hours and adjusting to the seven hour time difference and partly to re-set our consciousness to this place of quiet, raw animal existence.

During the very first game drive, I had a sense that my parents’ were there with me. They have both passed away, but I felt them there in that place of deep peace and quiet.

Maybe they are always there, in that place, but it was the first time there in that space for me. Their presence was tangible, I felt like I could whisper to them and they would whisper back. But I didn’t need to. I felt the love. It was unspoken. It was deeply comforting to feel them right there with me. I welcomed the peaceful presence around me.

I also welcomed the presence of two beautiful lionesses another day. We found them out for a walk, playing together and just sauntering down the sandy road with no particular purpose, except just to enjoy one another and the sunny winter day. We drove behind them, beside them and eventually in front of them so they could walk past us. They were not bothered by us one bit. Of course, they could have killed us with one swift swipe of a giant paw, but ho-hum, they just weren’t bothered with us. The energy from these two penetrated deeply into my soul. I will never forget the softness of their spirits.

Each one looked up into my eyes as she passed as if to say, “hello, I love you” (of course with that mesmerizing deep South African accent.) In that split second of eye contact I could feel the playfulness and peaceful joy that each lioness possessed. It was nothing but beauty-full. Nature’s majesty at her finest.

Then one day Martha

commissioned us to

go out on our game drive with a question.

Ask it and forget it. Then don’t be surprised when the question is answered.

I had already set my intention before leaving home, I wanted to reconcile my “issues” with who God is. You know, just a small insignificant question, right?? I’ve spent the last 13 plus years trying to undo some of the religious rhetoric that was planted in me during my childhood and young adult years. I’ve discovered that God is a whole different presence than I grew up believing. So I set out this particular evening to fix it all, and then promptly forgot what the question even was as we watched the animals in the gorgeous light that dusk brought across the African bush.

We were sitting in the Land Rover watching two seriously gi-gundous elephants eating. I found my thoughts wander to the fact that these enormous animals eat leaves. Well, sometimes they eat the entire branch AND the leaves, but basically they eat salad and sticks, all day. And they are HUGE. And no one bothers them. They are prey to none of the other animals. They are just there, minding their own business.

And suddenly the elephant turned away from us and headed into some trees that were five or six feet tall. Just slowly walking, eating, and walking. Dum-de-dum. Walking and eating. The elephant’s wrinkled butt and tail were right in front of me. Swish, swish. Dum-de-dum. Slowly walking, eating and walking. His head chomping leaves, his enormous ears flapping, his feet trampling branches, his tail swishing, his wrinkled butt in our faces. Not a care in the world. Dum-de-dum. Absolutely did not care that we were all snapping pictures of that HUGE wrinkled butt. No care in the world. Did not care. Did not care.

That was it. THAT WAS IT!!!!!!!!!!

I got it.

This is how creatures at peace act. They move through life without a care in the world. Just doing what they are called to do. Not intimidated. Not interrupted by others. Not distracted. Just slowly pushing branches aside and going where they feel compelled to go. Seeking what they need to live.

That elephant could have cared less that his butt was big OR wrinkled. He just went where he felt led to go.

It was my message.

Stop being distracted by everyone and everything else, and just go where I (God) ask you to go. Keep your eyes focused on YOUR path and be led from within….listening…seeking….listening.

How simple.

Why couldn’t I get that before? Obviously I needed a 6 ton elephant to deliver that message.

Since that day, I have taken a liking to the elephant symbol to remind me to keep in my own business and focus on my internal compass. I love the vision of that wrinkled butt, something that represents lack of discipline and embarrassment in our size zero culture, as a symbol of freedom for me. It represents detachment from others’ opinions. An in-your-face sense of “I don’t care what others think”. Here is what I am and I’m not concerned about your opinion. I’m just moving through life doing what I am called to do.

I have elephants at work, in my bathroom and around my neck in an attempt to remind me to listen, listen, listen, eat leaves and move slowly ahead with purpose, determination and a big beautiful wrinkly butt.

When I set out on any vacation, I seem to always over-estimate just how many books and magazines I can read while I’m away. So this past January, I was determined to take just the right amount so my carry-on didn’t weigh 100 lbs! I had started reading a book written by Brene Brown called The Gifts of Imperfection. (If you haven’t read it, run and order it right now, quickly…NOW!) The book is 130ish pages, so I figured I could easily finish it and a couple magazines while traveling and during my stay in Puerto Vallarta. I continued reading on the plane and during the first day sitting beside the pool.

But I didn’t expect while reading this book

based on Brene’s research on shame

and her desire to practice what she calls

“wholehearted living,” that the deepest part of me

would be stirred up.

Really stirred up.

Every night I started dreaming crazy and vivid dreams. This kind of dreaming runs in my family among the women. My grandmother and my mother used to be dreamers. Now my sister, my daughter and I often share the stories of our interesting dreams. These are the kind of dreams that I wake up and remember every detail. (Usually that’s my signal that I need to pay attention.) One night, in particular on this trip, I woke up feeling disturbed about my dream. Disturbed to the point that I felt resistant to analyze it and discover the true meaning. So I didn’t.

A day went by and another and this dream kept nagging at me. I felt a little frightened about what it might mean. But I decided to just be brave, listen to my wiser self and plunge in to the dream analysis.

I never, ever thought I’d discover what I did.

The dream depicted me at my wedding (not sure to whom but THAT didn’t seem important). I was dressed in a long royal blue gown and trying to push my way up a crowded aisle to the front of the church. There were a lot of people in my aisle and I had to lean my shoulder against the wall as I was forcing my way through. Once I got to the front of the room, there was a red-headed attendant who assisted me to step up onto a wooden plank that was unsteady, narrow and high in the air. While I was up there I got that sick tight feeling in my gut from being up high in the air. I remembered wanting to steady myself by reaching out and touching the cove molding along the edge of the ceiling, but feeling like I shouldn’t do that because, after all this was a wedding. Reaching out to steady myself would create a disturbance. It was scary standing on this narrow piece of board, but I felt like I shouldn’t steady myself.

This is the part of the dream that I found that I didn’t want to know about. What would this mean?

Why was I so high in the air

and feeling unsupported?

One of my travel companions had just finished taking Martha Beck’s Life Coach Training. She was anxious to help me discover the meaning of this mysterious dream. We began using Martha Beck’s dream analysis tool and here’s what we discovered:

Describe the plank using three adjectives: unsteady, unstable and narrow.

The plank’s purpose was: to hold me up.

The plank’s message to me was: “you won’t fall.”

And the thing in my life that the plank represented was: God.

Isn’t that amazing? The thing I was scared to know about ended up being the thing in my life that is providing me with love and support. The Presence in my life that is telling me, “I will hold you up. You don’t need to reach out to anything else for support, just stand there high in the air when you’re scared and trust me.”

I was blown away. Talk about relief.

And what a testimony to the wisest part of me.

(Note to self: Listen to her more!) It takes a big ‘ol scary dream bugging the heck out of me to remind me that the entire Universe is working WITH me and giving me just what I need.

I’ve always been a person of faith, but this was definitely a defining moment.

Since then, I have more of a keen awareness that I’m not in this thing called life alone. I need not worry about unsteady ground or fear that I may fall. Things are as they should be, and I can trust that life is exactly as it should be.

And by the way, the crowded aisle represented a message to me that even though this wasn’t the trip (life) I expected, it was different than “normal” (The Cleaver Family), I am to keep pushing through. I can make it! There was nothing to be scared of at all. I now really, really love everything about that dream.

So from now on, I’m not going to be frightened of what my wiser self might be trying to tell me. Why should I be? I’m sure she loves me more than I know.  My job is to be open and agenda-less, expecting wisdom and love….and, of course, living Brene’s whole hearted life!

It’s Monday afternoon and I am taking a blissful steam shower in my up-north luxury condo. The sun is shining and the sky is my absolute favorite color of “up north” blue. My two children and their spouses along with my three grandchildren have left to go home after spending a long weekend with me to celebrate my birthday here.

I feel strangely light, giddy

and care-free.

 As the warm water pours over my head and the scent of my lemon sage shampoo penetrates my senses, I ask myself why I feel this way. Why this peaceful sense of myself drinking in the deliciousness of life? What could be the root of this bliss? Hmmm.

The past 36 hours were filled with the constant sound of Angry Birds, crying babies, bumped heads, games and cooking ‘round the clock. How could that have produced this euphoria?

So what is it?

Then I realize that not once in the past four days have I thought about the bulge around my waist or the size of my thighs compared to everyone else’s. Not once have I wished that any of my relationships were different in any way. Not once did I berate myself for whatever triggered my own self-loathing.

I had a vacation from my habitual thoughts!

How awesome is that? I was too busy to travel down those old worn paths that my thoughts have carved into my brain.

Now I’m excited and I think, can I do this again, and on purpose? Calling Stacy and Clinton…I need an episode of What Not To Think!!  Let’s make-over my thought wardrobe. This was a tough revelation for me because I consider myself to be a pretty unselfish person. I work at trying to think good thoughts.  I spend much of my time dealing with and helping others every day. So how could this simple shift affect me so deeply?

I remembered that I was very challenged last week while reading an article written by Robert Holden on oprah.com entitled, “How Self-Acceptance Can Crack Open Your Life.”  http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-Self-Acceptance-Can-Crack-Open-Your-Life/

It’s a ten day plan filled with exercises on how to really know yourself. His theory is that we can’t accept ourselves until we actually know ourselves. (I think he may be on to something!) On Day 1 Robert asks you to think about what is really authentic about you. What do you want people to really know about you?

Then he asks the question that blew me away,

“Who are you without your ego?” I had to seriously think about this for a few days. It was a challenge to separate my true self and my ego. How much do I really do for others to see?

And then, as usual, God allowed me to realize that I had discovered the answer without even trying. I spent three days without my ego….and in return I received a great reward. Refreshment, rejuvenation, and a feeling of satisfaction.

Thank you infinite wise Universe for allowing me to see what is really important and identify the things that weigh me down READ: MY OWN OLD, TIRED THOUGHTS!

Here’s to new patterns and a new focus!

I dwell in possibility.  ~ Emily Dickinson

It happens to me almost every year.

At the beginning of the new year I get so excited that I can’t sleep. I can’t shut my brain off. I am teeming with new ideas and aspirations for the year ahead.

Isn’t that strange? I mean really, it’s only another 24 hours, right? Just another 360 degree spin for the earth. So what makes this day so special?

I’ve been thinking about that question for a few days now.

I grew up in a belief system that taught that we all reach “the age of accountability.” It happens when we recognize that we have sinned and need forgiveness. It was pretty much expected that once we were 12 or so, we would make that long walk down the aisle to be baptized at the end of the church service when the preacher asked if anyone wanted to be saved. I remember doing this one Sunday at the ripe old age of 13 and experiencing a similar feeling to the one I now get at New Years. My belief at the time was that the act of immersion during baptism actually, literally washed away my sins. So as I came up out of the water I was, as one of our old hymns went, “a new creature white as snow.” I remember as a young girl thinking, “I wonder how many days I can remain perfect and go without sinning?” (I think after a while – probably 20 minutes - I did lose interest and went about my business being a care-free teenage girl.)

But the feeling was the same….

I had a clean slate, the past had been washed away.

Even though January 1st doesn’t mean that the

past 12 months are forgotten,

there is just something very enticing about having the opportunity to decide what the next 12 months will hold. The excitement comes from knowing that I can totally redefine myself  if I want. It seems like a natural thing to do to START something on January 1^st. Like the first day of a 21 day spiritual cleanse, or that 40-day workbook on your shelf. My mom was always pulling out the schedule to read through the Bible in a year. I was amused to see on the Yahoo home page that “diets” were one of the top ten topics trending on January 2^nd. How many millions of people start diets on January 1^st?

As I have thought about why I get so excited,

I realize that the “clean slate” thing gives me the

opportunity to believe in myself.

Believe that I can do just about anything in the next 365 days. Why not? It’s a new year!! Let the imagination go wild. And believing in myself totally energizes me. Combine that with the hope that comes from believing that I CAN do anything I choose and LOOK OUT!

So what WILL I write on my clean slate? What plans will I make and how will I be certain to stick to them. I’ve decided to write little goals on each month of my calendar so that I can keep the momentum going all year. I will pick one of the books off the pile on my desk to read each month. I will prioritize and read the ones that have been there the longest first. Then I am going to try and write a character trait on each month’s page. And I know that I will start with Joy. I want to really work at feeling joy every day. It’s there, right there if I just look for it. Then gratitude and then maybe gentleness. Oh how I would love to always be gentle.

Of course there’s lots more, but those are the two consistent things I want to do each month. There are the retreats I want to plan and the book that is waiting to be written.

But most of all I want to really live in each

moment of each day.

One of these days there will be no tomorrow and I want to make sure that every moment that I spend with someone, I am really WITH them. I want to touch others with my light and love every day.

And….I want to eat cookies every day because

life is short!! Here’s to an unforgettable 2011!

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.

~James Arany

We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities.

~Terry Josephson

Our aspirations are our possibilities.

~Samuel Johnson

When I take my two precious little Shih Tzu’s outside for walks, their very distinct personalities are on display. Addison, who just turned ten in October, is a little prissy. He doesn’t like the wet grass or cold snow on his paws and definitely doesn’t want to have anything to do with a puddle.

Then there is Sydney. She is ten pounds heavier and four years younger than Addie. She has no reservations about any adventure. If there is a puddle to be found, she is running right through the middle of it. No hesitation.

We live in a subdivision built around a golf course. As the three of us were walking along the cart path the other day, I found myself laughing out loud as Addison tip-toed around the puddles and Syd just plowed on through, delighting in the splashes she made as she soaked her paws and belly in the cold water.

It reminded me of the ways I have maneuvered

around the issues in my life.

If things seemed the least bit uncomfortable IN the puddle, I would tip-toe around it. Often I found that avoiding the puddle didn’t make it go away, it just got bigger. Then I would come across it again, and chose to tip-toe around again. Eventually the puddle would get so big that the entire sidewalk would be covered and, if I were to continue, I’d have to get a soaker. I would spend time dreading being in the puddle and worrying about how  uncomfortable it would feel to have wet socks and shoes.

I find it so interesting now as I watch my own behavior. Most of the time the FEAR about whatever it is I fear (wet feet) is worse than actually just plowing through whatever is in the puddle. It reminds me of trying to swim in the cold lake. If you stand on the sand and THINK about it…fearing the cold, cold water – it’s awful. But if you just go for it, take a running leap and jump in, the shock goes away fast and once your in the water, it feels great.

Learning to just sit with my feelings was a huge epiphany for me. (To be honest, just feeling the feelings I had was the first big Ah-Ha moment for me!)

 It was a habit for me to DO and not FEEL.

So when I first began to realize and recognize my feelings, I had to practice allowing myself to just feel them. And to my surprise, I didn’t die!! I could just sit with my pain, my disappointment, my betrayal. Just sit and really FEEL it, cry it out, punch a pillow or scream out loud, then let it go. It felt so good afterwards, the puddle avoidance disappeared. There was no more need to go around. Going through was not so bad after all.

Martha Beck describes this as the “Ring of Fire”

in her book Steering by Starlight.

It’s what you go through in order to arrive at the “Core of Peace” where I personally aspire to live every day. It’s the place where no untruth can exist, where there is no pain, no fear, no death….heaven on earth, as I have come to believe. In order to get there we must pass THROUGH the ring of fire. It’s the place where we experience and actually FEEL our emotions. It’s the thing I spent years avoiding….the feelings!!! In the Bible we are encouraged to die to ourselves. This is exactly what happens in the ring, we surrender, we give it up. As Martha says, “we burn, burn, burn until our attachment to whatever we have (lost) is completely incinerated.” The ring of fire is awful, nothing is worse-this is why we avoid it. But the core of peace is pure bliss. To have experienced the unspeakable pain and then live free from its hold…whoo hoo…now that’s my kind of heaven!

This morning I woke

up to find the first

snow on the ground.

Even as I write this sitting at my kitchen table, the sun is casting gorgeous shadows on the newly fallen snow and I just want to cry it’s so beautiful. I took Addison and Sydney out earlier and guess who was the first one in the snow?? You got it, Sydney Lou Who as we call her. (after Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch) So this morning she bounced through the snow AND the puddles. Her ears were flying and the snow clumps were all over her fur. She was pulling so tight on the leash I had to run to keep up with her. I found myself smiling from ear to ear feeling pure joy and laughing hysterically as I participated in her passion for adventure. We must have been a sight for the neighbors!! Me being pulled by an 18 pound black Shih Tzu leaping in the white snow.

Even though Syd doesn’t actually have to go through the ring of fire to get to her core of peace, I’m inspired by her sense of adventure and her love of life to go through my own so that I CAN live in that place of pure joy. That seems to be the ultimate goal of living; to achieve salvation, enlightenment or whatever we want to name it….I want it bad enough to wade through the puddles and get soakers or experience whatever discomfort it takes. Bring on the puddles, I’m ready to wade through!!

While driving to work last week, I was reminded of a meditation taught by the Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn, “I am aware of my eyes, I smile to my eyes.” This is an exercise in mindfulness. We appreciate everything we see and understand that not only is sight a gift, but also that which we see.

It is October in my beloved Michigan and a

simple drive to work can cause deep

emotion to well from my soul as I experience

the amazing colors of autumn

with awe and appreciation.

It’s not uncommon to experience the burning reds, the fiery golds and the brilliant oranges all spattered across the landscape in a small cluster of trees. And even though I’ve lived here all my life, it still inspires me and causes me to pause and be grateful.

What is it that causes the change in these trees? During winter, there is not enough light or water for photosynthesis. The trees will rest, and live off the food they stored during the summer. They begin to shut down their food-making factories. The green chlorophyll disappears from the leaves. As the bright green fades away, we begin to see yellow and orange colors. Small amounts of these colors have been in the leaves all along. We just can’t see them in the summer, because they are covered up by the green chlorophyll.

  Isn’t it interesting that small amounts of these colors have been present all along, but we just can’t see them under the green disguise of normal summer photosynthesis? I also find it fascinating that the absence of light is a significant factor in creating the change.

Somehow I find this true

in humans too.

There are seasons when all that is visible is the expected happy summer, leafy green. But when seasons change and stress happens,  there can be other colors that become visible and rise to the surface. Perhaps it is the stress of lack of nourishment, an absence of light, or a shutting down of some sort. It is this type of stress that demands change. Some of us embrace the change while others despise it, resulting in a wide range of colors surfacing in the form of emotional reactions.

These situations remind me of the quote I’ve often heard from Maya Angelou, “When people show you show you who they are, believe them.” Knowing people through many seasons and, especially owning a business, gives me the opportunity to see varieties of their colors-various reactions to countless situations. I have witnessed about every kind of response imaginable over the past 12 years - melt-downs, tantrums, denials, flat-out lies and on the other hand, humility, compassion and a true desire to improve.

As a coach I realize that we all have underlying

issues that rise up from time to time

and cause us to change our colors.

Sometimes these changes are temporary and sometimes colors change and remain. I have experienced fiery red responses more than once and felt the sting of rapid changes both in my personal and professional life. I have also witnessed the beautiful transformation from suffering to freedom.  But what I know is that people DO change, maybe some not as often as the seasons, but then some maybe more!!

So in these fleeting days of autumn, I am reminded that it is my job to continue to appreciate things just as they are and realize that everything happens in its season. As the famous scripture from Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth.” People reveal their colors at the time that is just is right for them. And my response is to take it in stride and attempt to understand that their walk is not mine.

 My response is love, gratitude and

acceptance. “I smile to my eyes”

knowing that my ability to see

makes me happy.

It gives me insight to the kingdom of heaven and all that is good.

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Deep down, I believe most of us have the desire to be valued, recognized and appreciated. The line from the movie Avatar, “I see you” seemed to get a lot of attention, perhaps because it’s a deep desire in me and you….to be seen.

My persistent quest to feel special, eventually turned me into an approval junkie.

I discovered that in order to be special, someone else needed to be less than me. I walk down the street and compare myself to everyone and everything. Often my thoughts are, “Is my butt bigger or smaller? Are my arms THAT flabby?” Constant comparison has become a normal thought habit…and it’s not one I’m proud of.

This poem opened my eyes to the connection between wanting to be special and constant comparison.

I realized that wanting to be special is stealing my peace and causing me more pain.

Rats. More work, will it ever end?

The Pursuit of Specialness

Taken from the book called, Gifts From a Course In Miracles
The pursuit of specialness

Is always at the cost of peace.

You are not special.

If you think you are,

and would defend your specialness

against the truth of what you really are,

how can you know the truth?

Specialness always makes comparisons.

It is established by a lack seen in another,

and maintained by searching for,

and keeping clear insight,

all lacks it can perceive.

When peace is not with you entirely,

and when you suffer pain of any kind,

you have beheld some sin within your brother,

and have rejoiced at what you thought was there.

Your specialness seemed safe because of it.

The pursuit of specialness

must bring you pain.

Forgiveness is the end of specialness.

Only illusions can be forgiven,

and then they disappear.

Forgiveness is release from all illusion.

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